So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
