I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
false alarm, still single
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
