He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
