the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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