Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
