remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
