i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
