Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
