just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
