my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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