Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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