I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
