Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
