dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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