There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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