I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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