I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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