he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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