Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
