the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
