Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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