whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
