Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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