I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
