Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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