Jerry, you need to find god
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
