So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
