I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
