Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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