His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
