I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
