better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
