just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
