the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
