feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
