Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
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