Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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