I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
