Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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