I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
