So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
