Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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