I'd wear matching sweaters with you
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
