I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
