Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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