Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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