12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
