My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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