Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
so much tequila, so little girl.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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