No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
