I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
