Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's never too late to be topless.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
