Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
