I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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